Thursday, April 12, 2012


Iv been thinking of posting something about depression for as long as I can remember

Some of you who know me very well, may even be surprised that Iv never talked told you about my depression

and some of you have guessed anyway.

I have struggled with chronic depression since at least 5th grade maybe even longer.

I have struggled with the feeling of not wanting to move my limbs out of bed either from lack of energy or sheer hopelessness.

I'v not wanted to live more days than my heart is brave enough to count.

I have felt alone and felt like I was in a hell that I could never climb out of

(If your reading this and thinking she is exaggerating)

You clearly have never had depression.

Because it is crushing. I't affects every aspect of your body, mind and heart.

And it doesn't end after a week.

It feels like your suffocating at times and like your blacking out at others.

You feel so much guilt that you cant just "snap out of it"

Why can't I just be happy!

Your heart feels so heavy the thought of telling yourself positive things seems childish.

This pain is real. Very real and it is a disease. A chemical disease!

How vulnerable it is just to explain a small peek into my life in such an intimate way.

You may think so many awful things of me.

But I have claimed that not only do I want healing I want to help other woman heal as well.

So I'm not going to hide in my depression pretending that I am perfect and crafty all the time.

I have real pain and you are not alone in this pain. I know all it's hues.

I have gone to great lengths to ignore it and now I go to great lengths to heal from it.

I offer you a loving heart and a loving hand to walk this journey with.

I offer any piece of wisdom I have found along the way.

Any encouragement that this will and can get better! That you are stronger than you know.

That depression doesn't own you! That you are worth far more than a dark room and a crippling disease.

YOU have a story to tell!!!

It is one of a fight,

of overcoming,

of passion,

of healing,

and most of all loving!

Bright ones I am ever with you...


lacyjoy said...

I am proud of you, strong girl.

lacyjoy said...

I am proud of you, strong girl.

Matt said...

Very brave...

Anonymous said...

I love you soooo much, my heart breaks for...wishing I could fix proud of you! Mama

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you and all the shining light you have brought to the world Ashfield... TRULY remarkable!

Anonymous said...

You truely inspire me!

Cheyenne said...

you´re such a beautiful person.thank´re strong.

Diamond said...

Hey, I don't know you, first post I read on your blog and I'd like to say this: thank you for posting this. Seriously. Thanks.