Wednesday, January 26, 2011


Delhi Date: Jan 4, 2011

Among the sea of rubble and dirt lies many jewels dressed in fine sparkling clothes, riding rickshaws, sitting in carts pulled by oxen.

They are roaming the streets and begging at stop lights. Within the first day we listened to Bollywood music, drank chai and ate curry.

{It's a beautiful mess}

The extravagantly painted vehicles,

the compounds,

the cars on the side of the road,

the crazy traffic,

the smog,

the fabrics,

the children smiling and greeting you "Namaste"

maybe everything has prepared me for this.

Maybe this prepares me for something even bigger.

But either way I'm here in India.

"when we step out of

our normal world

and leave behind

the usual barriers,

we tend to become more adventurous."


Date: Jan 14, 2011

Today feels like one of those days that you look back on with a rosy glow.That time in India , the old shop keeper I met and the ivory neckless I bought from him. The way the rain sounds bouncing off the tin roofed houses. The Himalayans still scattered in snow. The small glow of lanterns in the cafe in which we sit. I cannot see the lightening strikes only the flashes which illuminate the windows. I can see the match boxes all soaked through that Iv collected for my (Home) project.

Today is also a day I'd like to be home stretched out by mom cuddling and hearing dad's laughter while the kids run around yelling. I'd like to hear their voices.

But father I am here for you because I know deep in my heart as I have always kno

wn that I want you even more.

I want that each day changes me.

I want to be love sick for only you!

Do whatever makes me love you more.


Date: Jan 22, 2011

I thought while I was in Germany that I was "giving UP my life" to pursue a relationship with something "BIGGER" my God. But maybe a more accurate truth is I gave up depression and comfertability.

Only to stumble upon a journey I didn't want. But where Iv learned to live with myself. Iv found the gift of gratitude. Iv fallen into a world where the spiritual isn't a mysticism in movies but a clashing mixture of worlds all around us. Im really finding LIFE. A fuller one than Iv known before. One with an open heart and adv

enture. So in leaving the life iv known, Iv food the life I desired!

"The beginning of the LIFE Iv always wanted."

I guess in the end its better to say TOO MUCH. Than never to say what youNEED to say.


Date: Jan 23, 2011

"Juliann had rolled a nice plaid blanket out next to the fire. In one hand he held a french novel in the other a joint. The Tibetan next to him focused on the fire through his horn rimmed glasses smoking as well. I laid down staring at the full moon encircled by clouds of rainbow, like a greece spill reflecting its sphere above. Fot

i told stories of the shroud mysterious kid he was and i'm sure my parents would have jumped in and told stories of the little girl i was! I could feel the fire burning my left hand and cheek. But the burning sensation is so much better than the bitter cold of the last few months.

I entertained the ideas of how strange life happen to fall on you if you allow it to have its own personality. If you loosen your grip, all kinds of colors and designs can be seen. All kinds of laughter and music can be heard. Things can be deeply wild and moving. God isn't a straight pretentious line. He has dove into this culture showing me to throw a lot of plans out the window. So I may learn to feel and follow the wind. I can jump into their element not just simply to bring them to mine, but to share their life. Because I live what I believe and in doing so even if i'm by a fire and some weed under a full moon in the Himalayans theology spirituality and religion all boil down to the same thing no matter how complicated man wants to make it.

He first loved us (me)

wether i'm here or there and so I love.

It doesn't matter...

{love transforms you}

I complained about the darkness in my soul because I'd tried to control the force that transforms everything.

But God is wild.

He will not be tamed...

1 comment:

Ashlotte said...

My love,
This journal entry warmed my heart. Its so great to hear what God is teaching you and doing in your life! You are such a wonderful soul and know that I cherish your friendship and existence more than I can say! I am taking a "spiritual formation" class at school right now, and we were asked the question of what we think God has given us individually as missions in our life, I said that I felt like mission was to love everyone and to create. I feel like our missions are very similar. A lady in my class responded to my post to the question saying that I was made to be a hug to people who don't have them. So my dear friend, know that I am hugging you long-distance until I can hug you in real life!! Enjoy all your new experiences!!

I love you!